I was sitting on the bed mesmerized. That was not an expected thing. She kissed me when it was not asked. I didn’t find any kind of bad feeling on that but my instinct kept telling me there is something wrong some where. I was very hungry. Not the sexual urge, but the hunger for food. I didn’t have anything from the morning. Since Suja left from Bangalore. I didn’t want to interrupt her but I just couldn’t stand it. I excused my self. I ordered for food. It was not there in the restaurant, as it was already time up. But food was there in the bar. I had roti’s and some sabji. She watched me while I ate. Took 1 hr to relax. She didn’t speak a word.
Now I asked me what I did the other day? What happened? Why didn’t she stop me?
She told me that I forced her. I climbed on her. I tore her clothes, I brutally raped her. Her screams disappeared in my urge. She became numb and breathless. I asked her sorry. I knew how guilty I was. I had never taken a chance to try on any girl. The girls were many. I wanted to be loyal to be only one.. my Wife.. but never had I dreamt that I would do this with my “to be wife”. She didn’t want me to say sorry. She closed my mouth with hers.
I could feel the heat pass through me. Her hands were running all around my body. I was getting nervous. As for me it was the first time I am experiencing it.. and never had a chance to feel how that really was. That was nice. I started sweating; my whole body was burning with fire. I some move aside as I didn’t want to do this now.. she is not mine yet… we are just engaged. I went there to say.. sorry and to just be with her, not for a physical relationship.
The urge became more. I started gasping for breath. She took my hands and made me touch here there.. everywhere on her body. I tried pushing her hands off.. I was not able to.. I was getting addicted. I wanted more. I pushed her on the bed, now wanted to show how a man can kiss… within seconds with my strength she got floored, I could feel she was trying to relieve her self from my hold, I didn’t want to let her go. I just left her I got up and sat. I didn’t see her eyes.. but she came to me. She asked me .. if I could make her feel the same happiness of pain, now while she enjoys. She asked what do I know to do with a girl. Before I could say she took my hands and made me to undress her..
Within few mins we were in a uncontrollable junction and ended up enjoying our lovemaking… O was that so too good? So was this called as pleasure? I didn’t know the real meaning before I entered here. We ended up enjoying each others body wholehearted with guilt free attitude. Afterall she assured that we were to get married and as both agreed I don’t see anything bad.. yet there was a hesitation from my end.. after all my girl was enjoying. What more can a man ask than to give the best in life to his wife?
She taught me what she liked and what she wanted to do to me. I felt shy.. I didn’t see that in her. I never guessed why. I didn’t want. I thought that she was taking more liberty on me. She owns me so what. As I entered her I abandoned my guilt. I enjoyed it. I felt the pain and pleasure. The soft body rubbing each other’s.. O what a feeling… I was in heaven.
I didn’t know what happened.. One thing I could say I had a very bad pain in my private areas, as it was the first time….. Wait… not the first time for me as she said as I raped her yesterday night.. That was her complain..? Where was that pain yesterday? And I didn’t experience sex before but I am not that dumb not to know about the ladies hymen. I heard that would tear and blood would come out. It would be difficult for a man to enter the very first time with a virgin. I was lost in my thinking. I didn’t have the guts to suspect my sweetheart and was sure not all body was the same. She didn’t shout of pain, but she enjoyed it. And though these thoughts ran in the background I didn’t feel like asking her anything. Now.. what so ever, I have touched a girl and I will have to marry her… came to my mind before thinking that how much I loved and longed to be with her. I was so absorbed in my own thought and was disturbed abruptly with her touch. I could see that she came back from the wash room. I was not normal anymore. I told her I am so tired and wanted to sleep. She allowed me. In the tiredness my eyelids closed my eyes.
She woke me up the next day and she offered me coffee. She said that she would like to take me for a shopping. I denied that. All I wanted was to get back home.. my home and my meet my brothers, Sister in laws and my parents. I told her I can drop her home. She decided to go on her home. I went home. The day was as usual. Next three days I was home relaxing my self and saw how my family members ran here and there making all the arrangements for my wedding. I went to meet Arjun and spent some time with his family and started to Bangalore. I didn’t make any attempt to call Suja. And didn’t pick up her call as well when she called me. I was busy at work the w hole day and that’s when I saw Vickram’s visiting card. I remembered that I had to call him. I didn’t know what the issue was but wanted to call him. I called him and invited him for lunch in Barbeque Nation. And he did come. But when he came I didn’t know that he carried a worst message for me.. I never did expect!!!!!!
I met Vikram in Barbeque Nation. We had dinner together. He spoke about his business and asked about mine. Then he came to the main point. He hesitated a lot. He said that as soon as he saw me had an acquaintance about me. He started abusing his X girl friend. He started drinking. I didn’t understand why he wanted to discuss about his girlfriend to me. I told him that he is wasting my time by talking something that is not at all important to me. He said that its important.. and he opened his wallet and showed a pic.. his picture with his girlfriend. O my god.. That was the hell of my life.. I never had ever imagined to see Suja photo with him. He then pleaded me not to marry her. He said that he was in love with her for 6 months. She had never been loyal to him. He said that he heard that she is getting married. He was not bothered. But he said that he saw us together. And he said that he knew from which family I come from and heard about my company as well. He has been delivering clothes to our employess often and he has happened to see me many times. Just that I don’t know him. I was shattered…. I didn’t know how to react. He said that Suja just wanted money and freedom and she was most happy to do so many things that is not suitable for a family girl. And he said that she will not be suitable to marry me. I didn’t know what to do. I had slept with her and my marriage is just a month away. I cannot stop that. It will create such a huge impact on my family. How would I take that I really didn’t know. I was fully drunk. I lost my consciousness and didn’t know what to do.
I drove home. Next few days were a night mare to me. I was not able to eat and sleep properly. I didn’t have the guts to stop the wedding and if I try to .. what if Suja reveled that I had already slept with her..? what a shame? I cannot face my parents and my sister in laws. My god.. day and night started haunting me? Why to me alone ? why..? I had been loyal to a girl and why did she cheat me? Why didn’t she tell me about her X affair with another guy? And was I drawn to the Sex / rape drama? I didn’t know. I couldn’t think about any thing else. But just to get rid of these thoughts I was drinking day and night. In a weeks time the companys work started stagnating. Arjun came over.
Arjun, my best friend. If not for his ideas I wouldn’t have reached this position in business. He was not a guy born with a silver spoon. He is from a lower middle class family and because of his brother he grew to that extent and I gave him money, but his ideas had got me here, to where I am now. But.. I was sure I am going demolish all his dreams, his desire, his hardwork. Everything was going fine, what happened to me for the last few weeks was the question he had in his mind. He didn’t scream at me for my behavior, at least when he saw me sloshed to the extent of not even recognizing him. He waited until I was alright. I didn’t want to tell this to any one. But I had none in my life. Though so many shower loads of love on me I cannot tell them what happened.. I am at mistake.. I slept with a girl before marriage.. its my own damn fault. That’s why every one should have a friend like my Arjun.. he understood, but, he never thought in my way of thinking…………
He asked me may if’s .. which I was not able to answer. What if Vickram lied? What if the picture was created? What if Suja hadn’t made a mistake? What if I had really raped her the first night? What if …….. O STOP IT ARJUN.. Please………..
He made me understand one thing. NEVER LOOK AT SOMEONE’S PAST. TAKE THE PRESENT. It took some days for me to realize the truth behind my Arjun’s words. But I clearly understood that those words, had the real meaning. I was ready for my wedding. Full hearted and with self content and wanted Suja all my life. What ever be it before the life with me for Suja, after the moment we are engaged we are made for each other. I will be loyal and I wil live a life with her to give the best. I was grateful for my friend who made me understand life. The explaination was simple but I cannot deny the real truth. I was looking forward to get married and enjoy my family life.. I was set to go.
Suja called me the Nth time. This time I picked up the call. Reason asked for not attending her previous calls, I some how managed with my love for her. She blushed. I could feel that on the phone. I imagined how her rosy cheeks swelled when she smiled, how her dimples cut into her cheeks that gave her the beauty and how her eyes shed tears when they were overjoyed. O my my.. I cannot wait longer.. 15 more days to go and I will be married. That thought gave me the happiness. The days of agony and pain are gone. Now all I could see is the wonderful life ahead. I started decorating my home. Until that day I hadn’t even planned for my honey moon, but, it would be a surprise for my sweetheart and she would be amazed to see the beauty of the places where I would take her. Italy, Berlin, Mauritius and Kenya.. trip was arranged for a month….. And the tickets were in my hand. All will come to know of my honey moon plan on the day of my wedding. Arjun promised to keep that as a secret.
In Newyork, Tara sat frozen and broken. She knew this time her husband had not kept up the promise. She never wanted to step into India once again her life time. But, Neeraj was stubborn on taking her and kids along. Her stay will be there for 2 months. The trip was arranged to attend Neeraj parents 60th wedding anniversary. She had never seen them. She has never met any other member of Neeraj’s family. Hers was a love marriage and it happened in a temple. She had Arya in her hand that time and he carried his daughter Aadhya with him during their marriage. And they both promised that they would be the best parents for both the kids and will never check and allow the indifference to seep in. Neeraj and Tara were able to follow that. And her in- laws know about Arya’s birth too. And not even once they questioned her. But, all that they wanted was their kid. A third kid, a kid for both their son and Tara. And they never wanted a 3rd kid anytime.
Tara was not able to concentrate. She was told that she has a brother in law. His name is Arjun. She was informed that Arjun was married to a doctor and she worked in Chennai. She never met any one of them. It has been 6 years and its only phone conversations. She never even gave the freedom to show herself in the webcam. Not that she didn’t like Neeraj family and his parents. She was guilty about herself and she was ready to welcome any one here in Newyork but was not ready to meet any one in India. That one topic Neeraj also knew that he can never convince her. She didn’t even tell who is Arya’ s father to Neeraj and he was also not bothered. The right couple at the right time here.. where they were not bothered about each others past. At present they have 2 kids and they are married. So as a family they knew that they will have to love the kids and live a self contented life. She was living that way without having a slightest feeling of hiding any thing from her husband.
As for the kids, they knew that they were born to Neeraj and Tara. And they were not informed about their real parents identity. Neeraj and Tara thought that was not necessary for the kids to know and they identify them as parents which was more than enough. But this time, its different. Her in laws, Arjun, his wife Nishi and now Neeraj all are forcing her to come over. Though she has not made up her mind for that, yet she knew that she wil have to do that for the love Neeraj and his family are showering on her and her kid. She heard the phone ring and saw Arya run towards that. He picked up the call and shouted with excitement …” Paati, how are you……..” and he started going on and on. And she could see the happiness on his face when he spoke with Neeraj family members.. she didn’t have a reason to explain herself why is she hiding her feelings to meet them all. She wanted some time. But this time, she was ready to say yes to Neeraj to go to India. This time not leaving some behind, but, to see the beloved ones and a wonderful family who can welcome her with open hands and hearts.
Memories will continue..