Episode 13

Buried Memories - 13

Vanitha repeated to Vaishnavi, “ I saw the girl. She is Tara and our Tarun has a kid”. Vaishu didn’t not reply as she was struck with shock and Shanthi was just blunt. This was when Vanitha noticed her mother in law and immediately told her…” O amma.. I dreamt as if our Tarun is getting married to a lady Tara and they are blessed with a kid. I just ran out of the room with an excitement….”.

Vaishu replied, “  I wish the same akka, for your dream to come true. They say that what ever you dream in the early morning will come true………” and before she completed the sentence it was Shanthi..”  O please girls, lets not start early in the morning. I wish the same happens soon for my Tarun…”.  Vaishnu and Vanitha gazed at their mother in law who wiped her tears and walked out of the kitchen.

As Vaishu picked up the topic..Vanitha snapped in..” I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Its my fault. But Vaishu, please read the diary dear. Our Tarun is  not the kid as we think. He has moved the coins so well in his life and there was a slightest miss and we lost Tara..” .

“Enough Akka, don’t utter a word. We should be more careful. Yeah, today you will take the kids to the classes and bring them back while I am going to sit in the nearest park with the diary…, what do you say?”…..” As you say madam…..” with a smile Vanitha left the kitchen with two cups of coffee for Arun and her.

****

On the other side of the world……… (In Hyderabad)…..

“ So Vijay.. good morning.. thanks for this coffee…”, Tarun thanked Vijay for the coffee.

Tarun has travelled back from Germany and moved to Hyderabad and was speaking to his friend Vijay. “ As said earlier, all I needed was Abirami’s consent. And now everything is clear from both the sides. I will speak to my parents and immediately call for an engagement. By the way.. Did I force you all on this?”

“No, Not at all.. who will come forward to give this kind of a life to my sister Tarun? I am glad and happy that you are my friend. I am grateful and thankful for this one. Abi lost her husband just 2 weeks after she got married in a flight accident. After she got over the sadness, all I could see was the involvement in business and she is quite happy about her life. I was initially worried how things would go when you spoke to me about this marriage.. but, she was happy to agree after mom and I spoke to her. I am sure, unlike others she will be able to keep you happy.”

With a small smile Tarun sipped his coffee and was getting mentally prepared to talk to his parents about Abirami, Vijay’s sister who is a widow. And he is sure that everything will go well.

In Newyork……….

“Finally I give in, Neeraj. I would love to come and meet your family….” Tara broke the silence in the dining table.

With a surprise, Neeraj looked at her, and asked,” what made you hesitate for so long?”

“I am sure, you would have  told about me to your family. Akil doesn’t even know who his real father is. I got pregnant before marriage. All these are not normally accepted in our culture. I know people will not welcome these things with open hearts. I felt guilty. I didn’t want to give in initially. But for the sake of our kids and their love towards their grand parents, I don’t want to restrict them….” Finished Tara.

“ So, you decide everything rite? By the way who told you that I have told about all these things to my family? And none of them are ready to accept a girl / her kid in the way you came from. Tara, that is not to hurt you. But I want to tell you that our society and culture has their own values as well. I will never break the promise that I did. I haven’t told my family or friends anything about your past. All they know was you are a divorcee and living separately with your kid. And.. that’s what every one accepted.

I am glad that atleast now you have opened your mind to talk about this. If it was your guilty feeling which has held you back.. I am sorry. I should have told this long time back that my parents are ready to welcome their son’s wife not only with open hands, its also with open hearts……. Thanks for talking about this to me.. atleast now. I just cannot wait to take you home….” With this Neeraj gave  Tara a tight hug and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

The true love and relationship doesn’t start and last only on bed . it also needs love, bonding, understanding ,sacrifice, hope, confidence and truth. Everything was filled in Tara’s life and she was ready to meet her in laws and her husband’s family now whole heartedly.

Vaishnavi picked up the diary and started reading while she was in the park.

The pages started with this:

“ I didn’t have the guts to go to another girl for anything after I saw everything  worse with Suja. But, Tara was not of that kind. She took a long time to mingle with me as a stranger and she helped me as she obeyed her boss, my friend’s words to help me in my new venture in Hyderabad. I never revealed my true identity that CARE CARDS belonged to me. I presented myself as an employee from that company and informed that I work for the venture to start a branch in Hyderabad.

After all that had happened with Suja, I didn’t want to  be in Bangalore or the home. But wanted to shift everything to Hyderabad as few of my clients  commune from here too. As slowly the days passed Tara became close to me. She cooked food for me. I stayed in Vijay’s hotel. Our frequent meets and talks made us so close. Finally I applied for my divorce. As per the law, I had to wait for that 6 months till  I completely come out of the bond. Soon our friendship blossomed into love. And this lady, spoke a lot about marriage and a family which Suja never did. I had been with her to Germany to meet one of my client. That’s where we lost ourselves physically. I didn’t regret this time as my choice was right. The only thing I was guilty was I didn’t reveal my true identity to her. And, I did that as I didn’t want to lose Tara. Atleast for the sake that I had slept with her she will be with me.

Life in Germany was too good. Every min was a honey moon and every second was just love. More than the physical needs in love, it needed mental intimacy. And we enjoyed that. I would say  I loved that moments. I wanted a girl of this kind. But why didn’t I see her 1 year back? May be that was the fate I had to go through.

Tara started talking more about marriage. She spoke a lot to meet my family. I couldn’t take her home as my papers were not completely done. I just had to wait for another 4 months.

Tara was soon diagnosed with PCOS. Her periods were irregular and she slowly started becoming diabetic. She was under medication. The only warning that the doctor gave was that its very hard for a person with PCOS to conceive and once they have done, then proper care is a must. Hearing this I was scared. I started being a bit more precautious and careful while I was with Tara.

As days passed on, I slowly started just going mad on Tara. Tara wanted to do some higher studies. She had previously enrolled for her masters which she planned to finish in one shot. She was so busy preparing for her exams and that’s when I heard a good news…… I said I will rush back to Chennai immediately.”

I left to Chennai …….

Memories will continue…………..

Episode 12

Episode 12

“Hey, ladies.. its ok.  Its all over now. If you don’t mind could you please get us some coffee?”, started Arun after seeing his wife and Vaishnavi in tears. He was not sure that its too much for the ladies to handle.

Both the ladies left the hall and walked into the kitchen. Varun sat with his eyes fixed on the floor. “ Did I hear the right thing? Is all that true?”. Arun nodded affirmative. “Hmm, so you knew everything and none of us were aware?”

Arun replied, “ its that not way. Dad and mom wouldn’t have even imagined  that Suja would be that way. It was Tarun’s fate  I should say. There were lots of other personal stuffs which he had mentioned in the diary which I didn’t disclose while the ladies were around. Anyways I knew everything about what happened after that….” Saying that he stared at his wife who walked with a tray. They offered the men coffee and they sat with each other. Vanitha said that she had ordered some food from the nearby hotel and that will be delivered in few mins. Arun went on,” What I was saying? Huh.. yes,.. Tarun came to know all about Suja. She didn’t deny the fact that she was another man. She was caught red handed. Tarun didn’t speak anything to her after that. She came back asking him sorry and tried explaining things. That’s when  he decided to come to Chennai and he was here for  2 weeks. He told me everything. He was not normal that time. Iam  sure we all knew that. Suja called him and asked him sorry and begged. She even feared that he would let her parents to know about that. In fact its me who gave the idea to Suja to apply for a smooth divorce. The reason being asked we managed to say that she was not willing to live with Tarun. Same was portrayed by her as well.”

“ Tarun went through a bad phase. She was not ready to let him go. She said that she will commit suicide if he doenst live with her. He was not even ready to speak a word to her. And days went by and fighting with each other and day by day he became annoyed and hopeless about his life. His business was becoming dull. I saw him drinking day and night. Arjun tried explaining and  helping him out. But all he was able to do was to save the business. We knew that he had no hold on his life. We didn’t want dad and mom to know this as I said they would have collapsed to know that one of the daughter in law was that way.

“ They had high hopes. Tarun didn’t even want me to tell anything to anyone about what had happened. He finally decided that  he needed a break. He said that he was going to Hyderabad. Two weeks from the time he went there he came back with a new hope. He said that he found a girl for himself who  can soothe his wounds that Suja had created. He didn’t even mention the girl’s name. he said that he had found a good friend. Suja was not ready to leave Tarun. She didn’t have the guts to talk to our family that way and neither she went to her parents. It was an emotional black mail to Tarun to make him accept her. He even offered to pay a ransom to get rid of her, which was of no use.

“He went to Hyderabad to meet his friend Vijay,  his school mate. He said that he met a girl there who worked for Vijay’s hotel as a Chartered accountant. He said that she is an orphan and doesn’t have anyone. She lost her parents and brother in an accident. She lived a lonely life. He told she is brilliant and well behaved. He said that he will not be telling her anything about his married life. He just wanted a good friend that’s all. He was not ready to believe any girl after the bitter experience. 6 months of fighting over to get rid of Suja was miserable and was too much for him to handle.

“ He got an idea to get rid of Suja. He told her that she found another girl in his life and she has got conceived because of him. Suja now knew that  it’s the time for her to leave. And she arranged for the divorce. As all the formalities was getting ready, Tarun’s frequent visit to meet Vijay and Hyderabad became more. That was also because of the new venture that he wanted to start in Hyderabad and wanted to close the branch in Bangalore. During these visits he became close with that girl. He even told Vijay not to tell the girl anything about him.

“ Tarun told me that he has informed that girl that he is working in a company and told her that they are working on migrating the branch to a different location and that’s what the reason for his frequent visits to Hyderabad. He said that he is not going to reveal the real identity of him anywhere. In fact, till today I don’t even know the girl’s name and neither I have seen her”……

Saying this Arun wiped his eyes. The food was delivered and all four had a silent dinner. The complete silence prevailed. Varun started first, “ why you didn’t  tell us?  It was too much for our little boy to take the pain. The pain was not meant for him, we could have shared his pain and given him some hope. Now do you see how our Tarun is? He doesn’t want a marriage, he doesn’t want to smile. I have hardly seen him speaking to any one at home. That smile and laughter has disappeared. How are we going to get them back?”

“ We cannot do anything. It was his fate and that how he calls it. I told you about the girl right? All that I know about her is she left Tarun and left. I don’t have the reasons, I don’t know what had happened and what was the problem. May be all our doubts have an answer only from Tarun’s diary. We should read that to get to know. Iam tired for the day and can we catch up on that tomorrow?”, finished Arun.

Everyone nodded and departed in the cars. They drove silently to their rooms. Shanthi was surprised by their behavior. There was never day of deciding to eat outside with their wives without prior information. And never had they returned back with long faces. She wanted to know if anything like any argument  took place between the kids. Her sons consoled her and said something in alignment to give up a reason of why they left out etc. and also confirmed that nothing was wrong.

Off late Tarun’s behavior had been nagging Shanthi. Last 6 years, the family didn’t have a proper function and get to gether as Tarun was always not around. He had some reasons or the other to say why he cannot make it. And more over he hardly took part even in the family discussions. He was never a part of them. Her repeated requests  asking him to get married made him more furious and he stopped communicating to Shanthi and Shankar.  That even worried her a lot. And now these kids return back with long faces made her lose her sleep. She didn’t want to imagine anything extreme and make her husband lose his peace. She decided to keep it herself.

Though Vanitha and Vaishnavi were from different families, they never behaved that way. They were always together to do everything.  They never differentiated between their kids and the household jobs. They were always the perfect daughter in laws that Shanthi had got, which made Shanthi live with envy. But,  keeping Tarun’s marriage in mind she was always restless. She thought many times to understand what would have made Tarun and Suja to decide for a divorce. Tarun was complete adjustable guy. His short temperedness were never shown out. Even if he shouts the first time, be it others mistake, he was there to ask sorry. He always sacrificed for others. He did a lot for  his brother ‘s and sister in laws. So she was sure that it would never been his mistake. May be Suja…..? what did she do to that extent to decide to live separately? That was always an unanswered question which kept running in her mind.

As a mother, she regretted for what her son is now, but, she is not able to find a solution which made her mind guilty always. She tried talking about this to Arun and Varun. She was never given the right answer. Shankar was always an open minded person. He was always at his sons decision. All he wanted was to keep him informed that’s it. And doesn’t interfere into other things. A perfect man.. he was.

On the other hand Vaishnavi was not able to sleep . she wanted to know what is there in the diary and who was that girl? what had happened to her? Why did she leave Tarun? Unanswered? Or was it a mystery? Is Arun hiding anything from her?

Vanitha took the diary from Arun and started reading that while Arun was asleep.

It was 7 am. Out of excitement Vanitha ran to Vaishnavi. She saw her in the kitchen preparing coffee. Out of her happiness she failed to notice who was the other person in the kitchen and screamed out aloud..” Vaishu, that girl is Tara. Tarun has a kid……………..”

Memories will continue………..

Episode 11

Episode 11

Next two days of life in my in laws home. I was pampered and respected. Suja and her parents were curious to know where was I taking her for honey moon. I showed the tickets to them. Suja was not ready to believe it. It would be a very long honey moon. She loved that idea and immediately pressed a kiss on my cheek with a word “ thank you” and ran away without even noticing that  her parents were around.

In another day we were to leave for our honey moon. We packed all the things and then left to  my parents home. Slowly after a chit chat the entire day, we had to leave in the midnight to catch the flight. Arjun ensured that everything would be taken care in office. And the plan ended up to return back from my honey moon and directly head to Bangalore.

It was always the good and experienced saying that when you have your beloved the time will just fly in seconds. Even months would be minutes. Same was with me. I even failed to realize how the time flew. Until it was just 2 days for us to leave to India from Italy. I realized that when Arjun called me. It was a shock again.. Reena got another miscarriage and she was seriously admitted in the hospital. And Arjun was forced to leave to States. He wanted to check with me if I can come back immediately to take care of the official things.. I was happy to do anything for Arjun. Reena’s abortion gave me a shock and I was just worried about her health.

I had promised Suja that I would be taking her to Thailand for two days visit. Which got cancelled as we had to rush to Bangalore. This is called uncertainity. I couldn’t make Suja understand the importance. The poor guy Arjun manages everything without a word for the last 2 months and still what more can I ask? How much of arguments and fights and disappointments? Disgusting. Is this called a married life? I was just out of the scene and wanted to get rid of this lady. How can she be that bad that she cannot even understand others issues as well… I was so tired of all these. I was taught that using bad languages and  hitting a lady is bad.. may be that came into my mind that I stopped my hand from hitting her.

I threw the passport on her and asked  her to enjoy her life and come back when ever she wanted. And started packing my things. She was out of her mind for few mins. She was screaming and god knows in which languages as I couldn’t understand the head or tail of what she was talking about. She finally came back with me. The entire trip was full of silence. I went back to Chennai and as promised.. the second fight started for  not going to Bangalore. She started with that. I was not even concerned to even reply back. I went home. I thought she would stop if she see the elders at home.. but that didn’t happen. She was even more worse. I was sure none of the parents would welcome such an arrogant and shrewd daughter in law. Still my mom came and tried pacifying her. She went and slept with my mom.

It was the next morning when I was getting ready to leave to office my second sister in law Vaishu Anni came and advised me that Suja is a small girl. She is new to this family and I need to be more sensitive and responsible to handle her. Next complete week was just the worst part as Arjun never returned and I had to travel back and forth between Chennai and Bangalore and work kept me busy. I knew Suja would be out of her mind. She started yelling when she saw my brothers been greeted by mom or their wives. She yelled that she didn’t have one at home to do that. She started regretting for getting married to me.

Its all over.. What a human.. we were never brought up that way. A month of official work and Suja’s non stop pressures kept my day worse slowly. I was finally glad to get Arjun back.. Thank god.. he came to save me . I heard that Reena anni is fine and was discharged from the hospital. Heard that her abdominal region and all that girly stuffs are weak and she needs more rest. Arjun’s parents were leaving to states to be with Neeraj anna and Anni.

Arjun took over Bangalore branch as I insisted on that. I wanted to change Suja’s activities. I wanted her to be with my family. She was very adamant. She was just stubborn  to an unbearable state. Iam not a short tempered person normally, but she got on my nerves. She fights to that extent and ends up demanding for sex in bed. I don’t think any one for that matter would go to his wife when she is of  this kind. I tried coming home very soon. I pacified her. She picked up fights at  home when I was not at  home. She started insulting the ladies at home. None wanted even a word to come to my ears as they knew about me. But I head amma talking to my neighbor. She was crying that she screwed my life by getting me married to Suja.

I was not able to even take it any longer. I called Arjun and asked him to come back to Chennai branch. I wanted to handle her all alone. I didn’t want my family to go through this. Finally we went back to Bangalore. Soon slowly as days went by I got used to her anger and words and I even saw  the change in her. She started cooking for me. She greeted me with a smile. End of the day she wanted sex and nothing else. So if I give that to her she  is good to me. O my god.. what a need? When I came to understand that it was highly impossible to be with her every day. Its become a routine.

But I was glad I was able to keep her happy. I called my family and told that Suja has changed and informed that she wanted her own privacy and that’s the reason for her behavior. I knew that they were wounded and hurted by her. But they were happy on hearing that.. may be they thought it was enough if I was happy. I was then asked to come Chennai branch. From there I travelled to Germany. A German company gave me more business. So I had to be there for a conference and finish a business deal.  Suja said that she will be leaving to her mom’s home and be there till I return back.  I left to Germany and that took just more than 20 days to return. There was no phone from Suja pestering to know about my return which surprised me. And when I returned back she was there to welcome me. Next two days was awesome. Suja was so good to me. She kept talking to me to well. Most of all no fights. I was so happy and wished everything went that way. Slowly she started saying that she was getting bored while I go for work. And she doesn’t have any one here to spend her time. She wanted to join work. I was glad. I offered her to come to my office. But she wanted something in her own field. Though I didn’t want her to work under anyone and offered to set up her business. She denied that. Next one month of happiness. But as soon as she joined work. Small fights that she cannot cook at home etc. I got a maid to cook at home too. Now started eating outside more often.

Life was monotonous. I did realize that  I was married for 5 months now and wanted to talk to Suja about a kid.  She didn’t even allow me to complete when I started with this topic. Soon she started coming home late. She even came home at midnights. She was busy with her work and slowly the closeness between us started to reduce. She didn’t want to even sleep with me. She was just busy all the time. She left early. One day I went by her office and wanted to meet her. Probably wanted to have lunch with her. But I was informed that she quit her job long back. I was just shocked. So she started to lie to me. Fantastic. I was sure my life is just screwed to the core. I didn’t talk anything to her about this. She just maintained her life style same way. Slowly I even realized that she come home drunk. I couldn’t even take it any more. I checked her mobile and her laptop slowly when she was sleeping. There were so many messages from men. Most of them were adult jokes and most of them were like seducing messages.

I knew it was the end of it. I really have to find a fix. I asked my PA to call me at one particular time in the morning and asked him to say something like I have to travel abroad etc. the last visit was to Germany and after that I haven’t travelled any where. I told him to say the same thing to Suja as well. As planned, she called me. I was taking my shower and asked her to pick up the call. Suja came back telling me that my PA had informed her that there is one emergency trip to Hong Kong and I have to leave by evening. I left as planned and she waved a happy bye bye. I booked a stay at the hotel and left from there by 2am. I went back home and opened the door. She usually leaves the door locked using the key. So I was sure I can  unlock the door  using my house key.

As soon as I entered my bedroom I heard her voice. I was not clear who was that speaking but I heard another man’s voice. I didn’t want to see any rubbish. I didn’t have the guts to face that. I prayed god that  it should be the TV. But, my instinct was right.. She was with another man on the bed……………….

Memories will continue…..

Buried Memories - Episode 10

Episode 10

IT was the wedding time. All  were very busy at home. Family members were running here and there to distribute the wedding invitations as well. I was left all alone at home. In another 5 days Suja will be officially married to me. I was so nervous. Arun was always advicing me that marriage life is just only extra responsibilities. And not only that there will one extra person who will share her life with me.

Day 1:

How am I going to handle the situation? Friends and relatives came home. All were teasing me and pulling my legs. The next was my Haldi function. We call that as Nalungu. Relatives will come home and they would do nalungu for me. I was supposed to wear a Dhothi and a shirt. They will make me wear a garland. Make me sit on a chair. They would apply turmeric on my hands, cheeks and keep sandal paste and Kumkum on my forehead. Bless me by throwing flowers and rice. All the family members do this. Only married people can do that. There were more than 200 people at home. All were busy in taking care of relatives. The function went on for 2 hours. They finally ended the ritual by taking arathi (thisti – blackeye) and asked me to wait in my room. I wanted to wipe out the sandal and the kumkum. But some one or the other kept coming into my room and wishing and blessing me.

Soon the food was arranged and I had my lunch. We were not allowed to call each other this time. 5 days are going be a hell for me without hearing her voice. I called up Arjun and asked how the official stuffs are. He asked me to concentrate and enjoyed the wedding season and do not worry about official matters. I am sure that would be too much to handle for Arjun. Arjun was also busy with his love life as well. He is in love with his child hood friend. And now its been so many years those two had been together. And they were waiting for Neeraj Anna to get a kid first. And Arjun is slowly settling down.

Day 2:

Suja’s Nalungu. Arjun and all my family members had been  to the Nalungu. I was not supposed to go to their home it seems. So I was locked at home. I asked Arjun to pick up few pics of my dear and show me. I saw her.. My angel was wearing a golden colour silk saree. The blouse was a maroon one with stones on it. Yeah, that was  my selection. I never knew that she would wear that for this function. I was glad that I could also select some good ones.. Wow..

She looked so cute. She was dressed up and filled with so much of jewels. My dear Suja.. how would you bear that weight of gold ornaments.. I remembered that she never liked wearing any artificial jewellery. She told that when she purchases a silk saree.. she ends up in buying a complete gold collection which matches the saree. She did the same when she purchased the other sarees too when she was in Bangalore. She really looked beautiful. I saw the pics of  how she was pampered and cuddled by all her relatives. I knew that her mom fed her even now. She was so pampered and she said that she will be missing all that when she gets married.

I had promised her that my mom and my family members would do that to her.  I was there for her more over. I was over confident that I can keep her happy and satisfy her needs.  The day was done.. another 3 more days to go.

Day 3:

Mehandi function for both Suja and me. Its was in our own homes. She was asked to wear a silk saree again. And I was dressed in pyjama and kurta. I really didn’t understand why  these customs are followed. Another 2 more days to go. Everyday ended up with just nothing but almost the same set of relatives at home. And same kind of function. I was so bored. I texted Suja to send me her pics which would be taken today. She send them by end of the day through MMS.

My god… was she  a human? She was so gorgeous. Why did she send me her pic? I was not able to wait to see her.. hold her hands.. feel her wonderful lips.. hug her.. my thoughts were interrupted by a phone call.. It was my friend’s brother Neeraj..

“ hello anna.. how are you?”, I started from my end.

“yeah yeah… perfect. How are you pudhu Mappillai.. Marriage kushi a?”.

I smiled and gave a hmm while he continued.

“I wanted to come there for ur wedding da.. but Reena was asked not to travel. I am sorry to say the news late to you all.. I am gonna become a dad soon.. she is in the 4^th month.”

My happiness had no boundries. After so many years of married life. After so many miscarriages Reena Anni has conceived. I jumped with joy. “ Anna congrats. How is Anni? No issues if  you don’t come. We would come to see you. But, please take care  of Anni………..”

Before I could complete he went on.

“ sorry da.. I had to tell you this message late. Everytime she conceives we would say that immediately. May be a thisti or something nothing worked out. But this time doctor confirmed that everything will be good and fine as far as she takes adequate rest. If amma is next to you please hand over the phone to her. I wanted to convey this message.”

Amma was so busy with guests. She couldn’t take the call. But Vanitha anni spoke to Reena Anni and I was sure that was a long conversation and so many girly girly advices and I knew that my phone will not be back for another 1 hr.

Yeah.. I guessed that rite. Almost every one spoke to Anna and Anni and the call took nearly 1.2 hrs. My god. I was worried about his telephone bill. Hmm.. I was glad that along with my wedding Neeraj anna was also giving me a good news.

Day 4:

The function was not in the morning or afternoon.. this was in the evening. Its call penn alaipu (to welcome the bride). This happens in the marriage hall. Here both the family members will be present. Her parents will bring the bride with all the Varusai thattu . They will read out what they are doing for the girl and send her to our home. And in return my parents will give some equivalent amount of varussai thattu to welcome her to the new family. I was allowed to go there for 1 hr. That’s all. L.

I wanted to be there for the entire function. There will be a huge crowd. Close to 2000 people. No wonder my parents wanted to show off and so did they too.

How many plates… in the name of varusai thattu along with my Suja? I couldn’t imagine. I have seen these in other weddings. But this didn’t happen in my brothers wedding. I was unsure why they wanted to have these customs and delay my wedding……..

I saw my Suja walking peacefully in slow paces. Her head was down. She was dressed in a beautiful peacock green saree. She wore a garland on her neck. She didn’t even lift her head up and see for a moment. I guessed she was shy. I saw her wearing so much of jewels. How many bangles? I was never interested in jewels. Vanitha anni was never a jewellery freek as Arun hated them. He used to say just dress up in a simple manner and doesn’t like to be dressed with so many jewellery stuff. And  I have seen him snub anni saying : “ I don’t want you to show off  how much jewels you have.”  Arun had almost my characters. I couldn’t even think of saying that to Suja. If she likes. ..  let her wear.. J I just need to give up on that…….

I never knew that I had to give up on so many things to Suja. A compelled life. I was not aware of all the disaster…………

Day 5…..

Thank god.. the last day to wait to hold Suja hands. My reception. It started at 5.30 pm and ended by 11pm. This happened in the marriage hall. I was dressed in a wedding suit.

 I wore a grey blazer and pant. I wore a  purple shirt  and a tie. I wore a formal shoes as well. And my dear was dressed in a purple silk saree. She just looked like …….. I have no words. Can a girl be that beautiful or was that a make up. She wore saree in the Gujarathi style. And I heard her anklets. She walked up to me. I lost myself in her beauty. No wonder so much of jewels and bangles. She had left her hair loose and pinned with gold beads. That shone like gold…

We were next asked to do pooja and pray god. Then asked to exchange garlands and then did a vanakkam to the crowd.. and then started the function.

Why did my in laws and parents call so many of them. God what a pain. We had to stand and even in the tiredness had to give a broad smile and stand for a still …. What a hard day.. I had never experienced this. I saw Arjun and my friend Vijay having a nice food here and there. They picked up so much eatables and kept walking around. And Arjun even came up to me to show the smell. My god.. the hunger was even the worst.

We were not even allowed to sit for a minute. Standing the entire evening till mid night. Stand and pose for the photographs and smile. Suja was almost tired and she looked like she would faint. But seeing the huge set of crowd who came to see us.. I kept encouraging her that it would be over soon. And she managed to stand.

All was over by around 12 am and then they served us the dinner. We were dead tired. I waited to atleast talk something to Suja. But, she was not interested in anything other than to hit the bed. When she was about to return to her room, Vanitha Anni called her and said.. “ Suja, wake up at 4 ma.. we have a nalungu, then would be the mugurtham.” And she replied, “ Hann. Fine. I was told about that. That could happen only if you allow me to hit the bed soon.”

That was a bit rude. And Vanitha anni got tears in her eyes. I was just furious. Vaishnavi Anni stopped me saying….. “ That’s ok. She is tired Tarun. Please don’t pick up a fight. She will  be fine.. don’t worry”.  Hadn’t she stopped me , I would have yelled at Suja. Was that right to talk to an elder like that? Anni was just fine and she just consoled me. I expected Suja to ask Anni sorry the next day. And I was just worried and called Arjun.

Arjun.. my friend, denied to take me for a drink. My friends are having a party in the marriage hall in one of the rooms and even denied to join me as I was supposed to be awake the next morning. But some how managed to drink few gulps and didn’t even knew when  I slept.

I was woken up by Varun. He was really angry and asked why did I drink so much and I even heard Arun and Arjun and few other people yell at me . I just recognized the voice and didn’t recognize faces. Arun threw some water on my face and then I just lost my hangover and got up. My sis – in laws were also yelling that they were trying to wake me up frm 3.30 am and it was already 5. They asked me to take a shower and come. I got dressed in a hurry. And it was quick nalungu with just 11 people. Finally every thing was done for Suja itseems and she was in getting dressed for Mugurtham.

I again got dressed and came to the privileged wedding seat in front of the homam fire. It was already 6.45 and she was not out. Now the priest started shouting, “ Kalyana ponna allachitu vanga…” It was almost the 20^th time he yelled and the bride’s  room door opened. No.. it was not Suja.. it was her friends, cousins.. even her grandmom.. at last I saw her forehead first. My girl………… My to be wife was there… What a beauty. I was lost seeing her pretty face. My anger didn’t even dare to stay for a second more. I was just blank was watched her walking all the way.  

We sat together and she didn’t even lifted her bowed head. She didn’t even look at me. I didn’t want to make that obvious to everyone that I wanted to see her face. I was floored with her silence. All the rituals and customs were followed and finally the moment came and I was handed the “sacred” yellow thread .. with the gold Thali pinned to it. As I held it in my hand I heard some one scream “getti melam” and I was asked to tie on her neck.

Then started the next set of rituals one by one like wearing a toe ring, putting rice on each others head, finding the ring in the milk pond etc. some how everything ended by 11.45 am. Then we sat there for a few mins and left from the mandapam around 2 pm. We were first taken to my home and did some pooja and welcoming the new bride session. I was dead tired by then. So was she. Then again had to rush to her home before 6 PM. As soon as we entered her home, Suja went into her room to change, and never returned back.. I was asked to go and check what she was doing. But I saw my sweet angel lost in her own world.. sleeping. She was a sleeping beauty indeed.

It was time for dinner and we were asked to refresh and come to the dining hall. She wore a saree again. O this time a pretty simple one and she was there for dinner. After dinner we were asked to go to the bed room and our door was locked from outside…… There ended my wedding story……

It was a happy one indeed .. but the disaster was to start from my honey moon………….!!!!!!

Memories would continue.

Episode 9

I was  sitting on the bed mesmerized. That was not an expected thing. She kissed me when it was not asked. I didn’t find any kind of bad feeling on that but my instinct kept telling me there is something wrong some where.  I was very hungry. Not the sexual urge, but the hunger for food. I didn’t have anything from the morning. Since Suja left from Bangalore. I didn’t want to interrupt her but I just couldn’t stand it. I excused my self. I ordered for food. It was not there in the restaurant, as it was already time up. But food was there in the bar. I had roti’s and some sabji. She watched me while I ate. Took 1 hr to relax. She didn’t speak a word.

Now I asked me what I did the other day? What happened? Why didn’t she stop me?

She told me that I forced her. I climbed on her. I tore her clothes, I brutally raped her. Her screams disappeared in my urge. She became numb and breathless. I asked her sorry. I knew how guilty I was. I had never taken a chance to try on any girl. The girls were many. I wanted to be loyal to be only one.. my Wife.. but never had I dreamt that I would do this with my “to be wife”. She didn’t want me to say sorry. She closed my mouth with hers.

I could feel the heat pass through me. Her hands were running all around my body. I was getting nervous. As for me it was the first time I am experiencing it.. and never had a chance to feel how that really was. That was nice. I started sweating; my whole body was burning with fire. I some move aside as I didn’t want to do this now.. she is not mine yet… we are just engaged. I went there to say.. sorry and to just be with her, not for a physical relationship.

The urge became more. I started gasping for breath. She took my hands and made me touch here there.. everywhere on her body. I tried pushing her hands off.. I was not able to.. I was getting addicted. I wanted more. I pushed her on the bed, now wanted to show how a man can kiss… within seconds with my strength she got floored, I could feel she was trying to relieve her self from my hold, I didn’t want to let her go. I just left her I got up and sat. I didn’t see her eyes.. but she came to me. She asked me .. if I could make  her feel the same happiness of pain, now while she enjoys. She asked what do I know to do with a girl. Before I could say she took my hands and made me to undress her..

Within few mins we were in a uncontrollable junction and ended up enjoying our lovemaking… O was that so too good? So was this called as pleasure? I didn’t know the real meaning before I entered here. We ended up enjoying each others body  wholehearted with guilt free attitude. Afterall she assured that we were to get married and as both agreed I don’t see anything bad.. yet there was a hesitation from my end.. after all my girl was enjoying. What more can a man ask than to give the best in life to his wife?

She taught me what she liked and what she wanted to do to me.  I felt shy.. I didn’t see that in her. I never guessed why. I didn’t want. I thought that she was taking more liberty on me. She owns me so what. As I entered her I abandoned my guilt. I enjoyed it. I felt the pain and pleasure. The soft body rubbing each other’s.. O what a feeling… I was in heaven.

 I didn’t know what happened.. One thing I could say I had a very bad pain in my private areas, as it was the first time….. Wait… not the first time for me as she said as I raped her yesterday night.. That was her complain..? Where was that pain yesterday? And I didn’t experience sex before but I am not that dumb not to know about the ladies hymen. I heard that would tear and blood would come out. It would be difficult for  a man to enter the very first time with a virgin. I was lost in my thinking. I didn’t have the guts to suspect my sweetheart and was sure not all body was the same. She didn’t shout of pain, but she enjoyed it. And though these thoughts ran in the background I didn’t feel like asking her anything. Now.. what so ever, I have touched a girl and I will have to marry her… came to my mind before thinking that how much I loved and longed to be with her.  I was so absorbed in my own thought and was disturbed abruptly with her touch. I could see that she came back from the wash room. I was not normal anymore. I told her I am so tired and wanted to sleep. She allowed me. In the tiredness my eyelids closed my eyes.

She woke me up the next day and she offered me coffee. She said that she would like to take me for a shopping.  I denied that. All I wanted was to  get back home.. my home and my meet my brothers, Sister in laws and my parents. I told her I can drop her home. She decided to go on her home. I went home. The day was as usual. Next three days I was home relaxing my self and saw how my family members ran here and there making all the arrangements for my wedding. I went to meet Arjun and spent some time with  his family and started to Bangalore.  I didn’t make any attempt to call Suja. And didn’t pick up her call as well when she called me. I was busy at work the w hole day and that’s when I saw Vickram’s visiting card. I remembered that I had to call him. I didn’t know what the issue was but wanted to call him. I called him and invited him for lunch in Barbeque Nation. And he did come.  But when he came I didn’t know that he carried a worst message for me.. I never did expect!!!!!!

I met Vikram in Barbeque Nation. We had dinner together. He spoke about his business and asked about mine. Then he  came to the main point. He hesitated a lot. He said that as soon as he saw me had an acquaintance about me.  He started abusing his X girl friend. He started drinking. I didn’t understand why he wanted to discuss about his girlfriend to me. I told him that he is wasting my time by talking something that is not at all important to me. He said that its important.. and he opened his wallet and showed a pic.. his picture with his girlfriend. O my god.. That was the hell of my life.. I  never had ever imagined to see Suja photo with him. He then pleaded me not  to marry her. He said that he was in love with her for 6 months. She had never been loyal to him. He said that he heard that she is  getting married. He was not bothered. But he said that he saw us together. And he said that he knew from which family I come from and heard about my company as well. He has been delivering clothes to our employess often and he has happened to see me many times. Just that I don’t know him. I was shattered…. I didn’t know how to react. He said that Suja just wanted money and freedom and she was most happy to do so many things that is not suitable for a family girl. And he said that she will not be suitable to marry me. I didn’t know what to do. I had slept with her and my marriage is just a month away. I cannot stop that. It will create such a huge impact on my family. How would I take that I really didn’t know.  I was fully drunk.  I lost my consciousness and didn’t know  what to do.

I drove home. Next few days were a night mare to me. I was not able to eat and sleep properly. I didn’t have the guts to stop the wedding and if I try to .. what if Suja reveled that I had already slept with her..? what a shame? I cannot face my parents and my sister in laws. My god.. day and night started haunting me? Why to me alone ? why..? I  had been loyal to a girl and why did she cheat me? Why didn’t she tell me about her X affair with another guy? And was I drawn to the Sex / rape drama? I didn’t know. I couldn’t think about any thing else. But just to get rid of these thoughts I was drinking day and night. In a weeks time the companys work started stagnating. Arjun came over.

Arjun, my best friend. If not for his ideas I wouldn’t have reached this position in business. He was not a guy born with a  silver spoon. He is from a lower middle class family and because of his brother he grew to that extent and I gave him money, but his ideas had  got me here, to where I am now. But.. I was sure I am going demolish all his dreams, his desire, his hardwork. Everything was going fine, what happened to me for the last few weeks was the question he had in his mind. He didn’t scream at me for my behavior, at least when  he saw me sloshed to the extent of not even recognizing him. He waited until I was alright. I didn’t want to tell  this to any one. But I had none in my life. Though so many shower loads of love on me I cannot tell them what happened.. I am at mistake.. I slept with a  girl before marriage.. its my own damn fault. That’s why every one should have a friend like my Arjun.. he understood, but, he never thought in my way of thinking…………

He asked me may if’s .. which I was not able to answer. What if Vickram lied? What if the picture was created? What if Suja hadn’t made a mistake? What if I had really raped her the first night? What if …….. O STOP IT ARJUN.. Please………..

He made me understand one thing. NEVER LOOK AT SOMEONE’S PAST. TAKE THE PRESENT. It took some days for me to realize the truth behind my Arjun’s words. But I clearly understood that those words, had the real meaning.  I was ready for my wedding. Full hearted and with self content and wanted Suja all my life. What ever be it before the life with me for Suja, after the moment we are engaged we are made for each other. I will be loyal and  I wil live a life with her to give the best. I was grateful for my friend who made me  understand life. The explaination was simple but I cannot deny the real truth. I was looking forward to get married and enjoy my family life.. I was set to go.

Suja called me the Nth time. This  time I picked up the call. Reason asked for not attending her previous calls, I some how managed with my love for her. She blushed. I could feel that on the phone. I imagined how her rosy cheeks swelled when she smiled, how her dimples cut into her cheeks that gave her the beauty and how her eyes shed tears when they were overjoyed.  O my  my.. I cannot wait longer.. 15 more days  to go and I will be married. That thought gave me the happiness. The days of agony and pain are gone. Now all I could see is the wonderful life ahead. I started decorating my home. Until that day I hadn’t even planned for my honey moon, but, it would be a surprise for my sweetheart and she would be amazed to see the beauty of the places where I would take her. Italy, Berlin, Mauritius and Kenya.. trip was arranged for a month….. And the tickets were in my hand. All will come to know of my honey moon plan on the day of my wedding. Arjun promised to keep that as a secret.

In Newyork, Tara sat frozen and broken. She knew this time her husband had not kept up the promise. She never wanted to step into India once again her life time. But, Neeraj was stubborn on taking her and kids along. Her stay will be there for 2 months. The trip was arranged to attend Neeraj parents 60^th wedding anniversary. She had never seen them. She has never met any other member of Neeraj’s family. Hers was a love marriage and it happened in a temple. She  had Arya in her hand that time and he carried his daughter Aadhya with him during their marriage. And they both promised that they would be the best parents for both the kids and will never check and allow the indifference to seep in. Neeraj and Tara were able to follow that. And her in- laws know about Arya’s birth too. And not even once they questioned her. But, all that they wanted was their kid. A third kid, a kid for both their son and Tara. And they never wanted a 3^rd kid anytime.

Tara was not able to concentrate. She was told that she has a brother in law. His name is Arjun. She was informed that Arjun was married to a doctor and she worked in Chennai. She never met any one of them. It has been 6 years and its only phone conversations. She never even gave the freedom to show herself in the webcam. Not that she didn’t like Neeraj family and his parents. She was guilty about herself and she was ready to welcome any one here in Newyork but was not ready to meet any one in India. That one topic Neeraj also knew that he can never convince her. She didn’t even tell who is Arya’ s father to Neeraj and he was also not bothered. The right couple at the right time here.. where they were not bothered about each others past. At present they have 2 kids and they are married. So as a family they knew that they will have to love the kids and live a self contented life. She was living that way without having a slightest feeling of hiding any thing from her husband.

As for the kids, they knew that they were born to Neeraj and Tara. And they were not informed about their real parents identity. Neeraj and Tara thought that was not necessary for the kids to know and they identify them as parents which was more than enough. But this time, its different. Her in laws, Arjun, his wife Nishi and now Neeraj all are forcing her to come over.  Though she has not made up her mind for that, yet she knew that she wil have to do that for the love Neeraj and his family are showering on her and her kid. She heard the phone ring and saw Arya run towards that. He picked up the call and shouted with excitement …” Paati, how are you……..” and he started going on and on. And she could see the happiness on his face when he spoke with Neeraj family members.. she didn’t have a reason to explain herself why is she hiding her feelings to meet them all. She wanted some time. But this time, she was ready to say yes to Neeraj to go to India. This time not leaving some behind, but, to see the beloved ones and a wonderful family who can welcome her with open hands and hearts.

 Memories will continue..

Episode 8

Episode - 8


Dear Diary, 
I knew that it’s hard to take all these. But, where did I lose my senses that night. Suja wanted to have dinner outside. I took her to Leela Palace and had our dinner there. She said that she had come to Bangalore for some project in her college and she has some friends here whom she came to invite for our wedding. She said that she will be bored after I leave to work and staying at home without anyone would even bug her. She asked me permission if she could meet and go around with those friends after wedding. I didn’t see anything suspicious there. After all she is a human and she also needs her own freedom. I offered her to work in my company and come with me when I go to work. She denied. We then sat in the terrace and started talking so many things and didn’t even notice that it was already 2 am. I slowly asked her if we could retire to bed. I wasn’t getting sleep but my eyes wanted some rest.

I went to my room and I had given her the room in the 1st floor. I lay on the bed tossing and turning and I couldn’t get a spic of sleep. I know I was tired and I needed some rest. The sweetness of her voice and her attitude just made me feel so happy. I was so happy that my parents found the right partner. She was so sweet, soft and understanding. She expressed everything in a matured way and she was just so talented. As I lay thinking about her I thought of having a sip of whiskey, which by all means will put me to sleep. I had 2 – 3 pegs of whiskey and neither I was high nor sloshed. But the tiredness made me feel so. I could hear the television sound from Suja’s room and just went to see if she had slept so that I can turn the TV off. I went to her room and saw her sleeping peacefully like a kid. So peaceful her face was and she was just an angel. I kept seeing her for some time and I didn’t feel like going back to my room. I controlled myself and wanted to be genuine to myself. I turned off the TV and she woke up with a start. She was startled seeing me there. She was like… kind of confused and then asked me what I was doing there. I told her why I came in and I could see the relief on her face. She asked me if I could stay back in the room for some more time if I don’t mind as she has already woken up and might not get her sleep soon. I nodded, affirmative.


I knew that I couldn’t hold my eyes. The eyes were trying to close it. It was because of the liquor and the tiredness. Of course not my fault. I swear I didn’t even understand a word of what she was talking. But I knew that she was telling something. Though I was physically present my mental ability was off. I knew my mind and my brains need some rest. I didn’t want to interfere and tell her that I want to go and hit my bed. But I waited for some time. I knew I couldn’t withstand. I got up. I don’t even know what I told her, but walked towards the door. And got down the stairs and I felt the whole world reeling behind me, I was about to fall and I never knew what happened. 

I could feel the hot rays of sun on my face. I saw that the window was open. And that room was new to me. I didn’t even know what happened. I tried recollecting, nope, I failed. I realized that I was in her room. My god.. What was I doing there? I woke up with a shock and saw her missing. I tried running out of my room and found that I was not wearing my shirt.. Ok.. What a freak? What happened? Did I ….. My God.. No clue. I screamed her name and was running around the whole house. Dropped into each and every room I couldn’t find her. My maid walked into the hall with a tea tray. I saw her face and she looked at me like.. I don’t even know what that looks meant. I asked her.. “Raagini.. Did u see Suja ma?”

She replied back with a smile.. “Anna, she is in the lawn.” I found myself relieved and fell on the sofa. Raagini asked me if I would like to have a cup of coffee. I just nodded my head and went running to the lawn. I saw my Suja standing and gazing at something. I went and stood in front of her and found that her lovely face has shrunk. There is no liveliness in her. She looked depressed and she had a long face. I couldn’t understand anything. Did I ever do anything, if so, what? Did I misbehave with her? Did I torture my sweet one? Did I give her any pains? Did I make her cry? What happened yesterday night? I had no clue. I wanted to ask her but did not have the guts to even look into her eyes. Raagini came there with two cups of coffee. And I signaled her to leave us alone. While I was confused what to speak and what to ask Suja, she turned towards me and asked me , “ Tarun, could you drop me in the airport. I have a flight at 1pm and Iam going back home.”

I was broken down. I wanted to ask the reason; I could feel my dreams breaking down. Did I do anything wrong? Am I going to lose Suja? Why does she want to go now? O my god, my head was reeling around. Ok fine. What so ever be it. I don’t want to break my head, I just decided to ask her why…………? And developed the guts to ask.. “ Suja, what happened dear, why you want to leave? You came here stay for atleast 2 days. What happened………………………..” and before I ended my question she started shouting, “ you are asking me why am I leaving, huh? Don’t tell me Tarun that don’t even a single thing about what you did to me yesterday. I thought you were a gentlemen and I came to know that it was my fault. I did a sheer mistake of planning to stay here. And did get the reward of being raped for the sin of believing you.. you are one drunken……”

“Stop it Suja, I cannot take it any longer. First tell me what happened? Did I rape you? What were you doing? You didn’t do anything to save yourself. We have around 4 servants here at hoem and none came for your rescue. And what now? Did I say I gonna betray you? Did I cheat you? Did I leave you on the streets? What did I do Suja. I swear, I was totally floored the moment I saw you. I decided that I am going to live my full life. I will keep you happy. Please believe me. I am not a guy to betray and I don’t even know what happened.”

As I kept speaking I saw my dear ones’ eyes filled with tears. She started telling me that I forced her to sleep with me. I tore her clothes, I kissed her harshly. That my hold was so tight and she couldn’t release out of the grip. I pushed her down on the floor and climbed on her. What not.. my god.. did I do those? I was stunned. Where did that beast come from? I was not never that and I had a good stamina atleast to understand whats going around me while I am drunk. What happened to the servants and why didn’t they come when she screamed. I didn’t wanna ask anything more. I didn’t want to hurt her more. She just wanted to leave and I agreed. All I could say is I was sorry and will never leave her. I kept up to my promise until the moment Vikram came to meet me!!!!!!!!!!


I decided to leave her in the airport. She didn’t even speak a single word. I kept talking to her and all I could see was her beautiful face being swollen and filled with tears. Fine, I had told her what I had to. Rest was in her hands. I dropped her in the airport. Saw her leave and I walked away. I got into my car and I got call from the Van Heusen show room asking me to go and select my wedding suit. I just drove to Garuda Mall. Yesterday evening we had been there and spent atleast 2 hrs there. Today Suja had left me.. That was the thought. I walked into showroom and I saw the showroom manager who came and greeted me. We had already selected few clothes for me and just that I wanted to go there again to select the matching suit for my gals wedding sareee. We wanted to do that together. Never did I think I would be alone at that moment. I told the manager that I would return back in a week and order my clothes and was not in a mood to even stand there. I walked to the coffee day there and took a seat. I ordered for one cappuccino and sat there waiting for the order to be delivered. Just that I saw the showroom manager walking up to me. He asked me if I was free and he said he wanted to talk something to me. I just got up and gave my card and asked him to come and meet me in the evening or tomorrow after making a call. 

He did leave and I got my coffee and I returned back home. Around 6 pm I got a call from Suja. She spoke softly. “Tarun, baby I am sorry. I didn’t intent to hurt you. But, I never expected that from you. Sorry. I know what you did to me. And I am sure that you would never betray me either… but…….” I stopped her, “ Suja .. Stop them. I am happy that you called me…. I am sorry. I am really sorry. I wanted to have you as mine physically and mentally after our wedding, but that liquor, I am sory for the pain that I gave you yesterday.” She replied back, “ its ok dear. Though it was painful, I knew it was you, and I don’t deny for what you have done. But if you wanted me you should have told me that……… rite? Shall I ask you something? I want you to be here tonight with me in Hotel Taj. I am booking the room and would you………..?” I began, “ yes, I will be there before 11pm.”

I regained my strength. My god what is happening, my would-be is inviting me for sex before our wedding and I said yes.. Whats there? She is mine already. And I am going to go. I rushed to my car and started driving the Accent with a full gear and I was not sure if I would have driven the car that way even when I was abroad. Yet, the urge to meet my Suja and ask her sorry and kiss her sweet lips kept running in my mind. I would be with her in another 5 hrs. she would wait for me in Taj. I am going to be with her, holding her hands, hugging her. I would feel her soft body.. what not. I couldn’t control my thoughts. My entire travel from Bangalore to Chennai made me pick up so many official and personal calls. My bro Varun had called me and he wouldn’t know that I would be there in Chennai. I wanted to go and meet Suja first. Vickram, the Van Heusen manager called me and said its urgent that he wanted to speak to me. No no ….. Not now was my answer and I told him that I would meet him during the weekends. 

I reached Chennai. In next 15 mins I would be with Suja. I rushed and reached the hotel. I picked up my bag and laptop and walked to the reception. I asked for room 103 and the guy took me to the room. We ranged the bell, my Suja opened the door. She was dressed in a maroon designer sari. Hair full of flowers. She was dressed like a bride, with all jewels on her. Hand full of bangles and the forehead with a round bindi gave her the look of ……. gorgeous.. was not the word……!!

I entered the room and she closed the door behind me. I sat on the sofa, watching me admist beauty. What a damsel……… she just looks like an angel. She came near me and pressed a kiss on my lips while I closed my eyes. I could feel the heat of urge and wanting from her. I did feel the same, but not now. I wanted to speak to her…………!!!!!!!

Memories will continue……







Dear Readers,
Thank you all for the support on this new writer. You all know that this is my first attempt to write stories and I could complete till the 8th episode. I wanted all your suggestions to know if it would be ok to have my 9th Episode as an intimate and expressive one or a simple one with just few words of their enjoyment…… I assure that it wouldn’t be in worst standard to explain everything. I just want to add in few points about their feelings.. That’s it!!!!!

Your kind suggestions will help me to work on the next episode, Thank you!!!!!!!

Episode 7

Chapter 7...

Hello Diary, I am back.......

I am sorry. I just had to wash my face and come back. I became emotional when I started to write about Suja. She is my X wife.

As everyone or as every human I too expected the same. All I wanted was a peaceful life. I have everything in my life. I have my beautiful family who are more than anything in my life. I was sure that Dad and Mom will never go wrong when it comes to getting a bride for me. But there is something called destiny and that never spares any one. I was never in the hands of fate and destiny in my life. I saw how it took different twists and turns and gave a shock of my life that my eyes failed to believe, yet the truth which was bitter.

More over Mom was always proud about my two sisters in laws who she had searched for my brothers. They are not only equivalent in money, family status, studies but also in understanding the family very well. They knew about family cultures, our habits and as a whole they are perfect wives. My brothers nor my parents had ever complained about them. They knew how the working men are and they adjusted their life and tastes accordingly to the family. And because of this wonderful attitude the family was hassle free and peace prevailed. I saw them as my mother’s as they really behaved with me the same way. 

Soon the whole family sat in front of the broker and started laying down their expectations. Dad started with same family status, educated girl. Most of all her parents should be from the same caste and religion. I was never sure why Dad was always behind family from same caste and creed. That’s the same way how abroad is. They don’t even know if life needs all these. But here, our culture respects and expects these values and I was no where an exceptional. 
Mom was keen on looking for a girl from a joint family only. Both my brother’s wives are from a joint family. They both are cousins and both my brothers got married the same day. And that kind of unity is such an admirable thing to see. I was asking my sister in laws if they had another sister or a cousin whom I can marry so that the entire family will be bonded. But they nodded their head saying they were the last ladies to get married. O, still I was sure that my home ladies can never go wrong in their selection. I told them that I don’t need a girl to give me happiness, get me a girl who gives me peace and most of all the family is more important to me. Arun anna was worried if I any other commitments or any kind of expectations. I just nodded a big NO. Why should I take the pain when my parents and brothers n their wives can do that. 

I did have some expectations. I wanted a joint family. End of the day all should assemble to eat together. Weekends at our home and that’s together. A girl who doesn’t need to go to work. I don’t mind even she would work, but before I drop in home I expect her to be at home. I don’t want my other home ladies doing anything for me. I am sure Mom needs some rest.

The search began and that went ahead for 6 months. My abroad trips continued. I was travelling between Bangalore and Chennai in different intervals. I had travelled almost to all the countries in Asia asking for projects and meetings. All was successful. I had a small plan. Just before getting married I wanted to build my own house and complete all my credits.

My parents started to bug the broker so much that he became a frequent visitor. The broker didn’t stop his response. The first thing in the morning every other day he visited our home and gave a list of girls photos and profiles and Dad saw them before he left to office and by end of the day called the broker and gave his denial.

Slowly the search started to give them the disbelief. That was when my Dad’s friend Dhanashekar came up with a proposal for his daughter Suja. She is one and only daughter to her parents. She is well educated and she was double graduate. There was no necessity for her to work and her family status was too good that she was never allowed to step for any interviews as well. Her Dad was strict about this particular thing and told her that she can persue to work incase her future husband and his family says so. He told that there were none of the ladies in his family who worked. He strongly believed in that. So Suja was brought up with luxary and money. She was over pampered and never had been in a joint family. MY Dad hesitated about this proposal as she is the only daughter. They were worried if she would adjust in a joint family. Both her Dad and Mom assured on behalf of their daughter.

Slowly Dad and Mom falling into that trap and now to get both Suja and Me. We did meet up in a temple on one fine Saturday morning. I liked her in the first instint. She was so beautiful. She was wearing a saree and her long hair was covered with flowers. She looked so beautiful. Her face lit like the moon. She two eyes were brown in colour and that resembled Actress Aishwariya’s eyes. Yeah, everyones wife / lover is most precious to them. But she was so gorgeous that I was just awe struck and speechless. She was 5.7” feet tall. She look slim and beautiful. Her eyes did shine like stars. She not only looked fair, but was healthy and bubbly. 

I hardly spoke for 2 mins with her. Rather should say nothing other than,”HI, Iam Tarun”, and she replied,”O nice to meet you.” I knew from that very look of her, she was feeling shy. She didn’t even lift her head to look into my face. Mom came back. She told us .. that everything has been decided. And also gave a strict warning that we shouldn’t meet nor talk to each other until the wedding is over.

I was wondering what was all that.. infact in this 21st century who believes these cultures. Its most of the time live in relationships or love marriages and whats there if we speak or meet each other? Are these family rules important? Neeraj anna told me this.. that its better that you guys don’t meet as after marriage there will be an urge and liking to know about each other.. why break that suspense.

Arjun’s older brother Neeraj had been married for 3 years and was not blessed with any kid. Though the family pesters them so much for a heir, the happy couple just behave and enjoy life as new weds. His wife Reena was well educated and that’s when during my marriage proposal time she got an offer to work in UK. She moved to Manchester. And she had been there for a period of 6 months and in another 2 -3 months Neeraj anna would also leave. She had searched for a job for him. And they are going to be there together. His marriage was a love marriage. So from his experience from his wedding there was nothing that his wife didn’t know before they got married. So there was nothing to tell her or show each other something new.. so his experience gave me an idea to wait to be with my Angel Suja till my wedding.

The engagement dates were fixed and I was posted permanently in Bangalore. There was none at Arjuns home to take care of his parents so he chose to be in Chennai branch. During my engagement all that I opened my mouth and ask was to push the wedding date like away for 1 year. As planned I wanted a new house to be built and I wanted to take my wife to a new house. I had purchased a new land in Kalyan Nagar, Bangalore. But, Suja’s parents were adamant that they wanted to present me a new car, bike, a house and what not during my marriage. 

The dead line was just two months …… and Suja and her mom came over to Bangalore. They wanted to stay with me and furnish the house. They did have a villa in White field. And that was pretty close to my office. They took me to the car showroom and gifted me a Lancer car. The best car ever. Later we both did the shopping to buy each and everything for our new home. That time it was a nice experience to talk to each other and waited to be together alone when her mom was not around to exchange glances. She did enjoy everything. So did I. the wedding purchase was all over. We had been to Shakthi silks in Bangalore to purchase our wedding collections and that cost us the time ….. you pretty know how ladies shopping would be. Pooh!!!!!! All was done. I felt sad that two weeks got over in a jiffy. The time was not enough and she left with her mom. I enjoyed each and everyday with her. I couldn’t wait for the day when I can hold and feel her hands. 
Another 45 days more for my wedding and that’s when she called me. Suja called me on my office land line. She asked for me and I was in a meeting. It was already 4pm when I came out of the meeting room and was running around with hunger. I wanted to eat something very badly. There was short note on my desk. It was signed as Suja “I am waiting to have lunch with you.. call me when you are done with your meeting,”.…… Suja??? What is she doing here? Did she come to my office? O my god. Bless me god .. I didn’t even feel the urge for food now but the urge was see her and beautiful face. I just rang to my PA and that’s when there was a knock on the door.. It was Suja.. I was surprised. I fell again for her smile. Her beauty was killing me. I could feel the burning urge to hold her hands.. but stood there in my seat and she came in with some parcel in her hand. She told me that she came here to invite her friends and she will here for 4 days. She came today afternoon and waited for me to come over to have lunch together. And my office people knew that what so ever be the situation they never dared to disturb me when I am in the meeting room. So she was informed the same and she was asked to wait. She waited for so long.. my god, the stupid rules of mine made my doll wait with hunger. That moment the anger filled me. I immediately apologized to her but in return she told that she had ordered some KFC meals for us together and she wanted to have food badly as she couldn’t bear her hunger. 

We did eat and I asked her where she was planning to stay. She said that doesn’t have any ideas but she wanted to look for a hotel. I asked her if she doesn’t mind she can come to my house. She hesitated and then agreed. I didn’t want to force her much. Soon it was 6 pm and we left home. I took her to my home and informed my maid not to tell anyone (especially our parents) that Suja is staying with me. She wanted to go for a long drive and we did go to Hebbal – Lumbini Gardens. We spent our time there just gazing at each other. I knew that the waves of urge were running into my body. But I knew that this was not the time. I really had to wait………

The first mistake I ever did was that night………. If at all I hadn’t done that I would have escaped from my marriage……. FATE … DESTINY whatever you call that as has screwed my happiness into bits and pieces…